Legal Mumbo-Jumbo:

Read Carefully as These Concern Your Rights

The purpose of this Home Page is to offer a prospectus and information concerning Tom, the Extremely Deranged Sarge-at-Large (hereinafter, "The Sarge").  This is not to be construed as an offer or implied warranty of service.

As persons vary, your results with The Sarge may vary.  Any performance information cited herein is based on results with a professional driver on a closed track.  Objects on a Home Page appear cuter than they are in real life.

Most adventures of or with The Sarge are inherently dangerous and should never be attempted by non-professionals or at home, especially in those homes with nice furniture or antiques.  Always wear and use appropriate safety equipment when using The Sarge.

Federal regulations require that when taking off or landing with The Sarge, your seat must be in the full upright and locked position and your seatbelt securely fastened.  In the event of a sudden loss of attitude, a mask will drop from the overhead compartment.  Take the one closest to you, put it over your head, and pull on it to start the flow of laughing gas.  Continue to breathe normally until instructed otherwise by a uniformed crew member.

Batteries not included.  The Sarge is offered "as is, where is," and is subject to prior sale.  Taxes, license, registration and document fees extra.

The Sarge may be habit-forming and should only be taken when the benefits of The Sarge outweigh the possible risks.  Take only as/when needed and never exceed the recommended dosage.  Substantial side effects have been reported when using The Sarge; most commonly reported was vertigo.  DEA Schedule A.  Pregnancy Classification A.  Mutagen Classification X.

No endorsement by the National Guard, Defense Department, any other governmental agency (overt or covert), American Radio Network, or the Kaleidascope (yes, they know it is spelled incorrectly) Radio Magazine is expressed or implied.  As always, if The Sarge is killed or captured, the Secretary will disavow any knowledge of his actions.

Fig Newton® is a registered trademark for a really tasty fruit-filled cookie product of the Nabisco Company.  Aye, it'll make a man outta ya, maties, and make ya regular ta boot.  Shiver me timbers -- and colon.

Well, if you're going to complain about the page now --or maybe even say something nice about it -- I made it one-button easy -- click on the box!


Did I mention they feed us in the military?  And, you know me -- will work for food!

Return to Front Page